Nowcovery and safe places

I often use the term “Nowcovery” instead of “Recovery”. I am not “REcovering anything. And most of the people I work with aren’t interested in “Recovering” much either. What they are interested in is building a new life. Building new relationships with the people that they have broken relationships with. For so many of them, their life in the past was not ever in a good place. So many come from a past that is filled with poverty and abuse. They may have never had a healthy relationship with their parents or children. Why would they want to recover any of it? They don’t. They want a new life. They want to focus on NOW.

Recovery can be a lot of work and a lengthy process, one that actually never ends. Nowcovery breaks this process down into the simplest of terms. The moment. One moment at a time we make choices that will bring us into a new life, a life we won't have to escape from with alcohol or other drugs. 

While we are talking about what’s happening in our lives NOW and making each moment the most positive and healthy it can be, we still have to go back into our past. We HAVE to make the connection between what has happened to us in the past, to how that is driving our current behavior. 

Being able to go and look at the past requires that we get to a safe place to do it. Where that safe place is, will be different for everyone. Some people find a safe place in church. They make the necessary human connections there, perhaps with the church leaders, or small groups. There are different recovery groups in churches too, Celebrate Recovery and Freedom Seekers to name a few.

 Millions of people find that safe place “in the rooms” Alcoholics Anonymous or other 12 step programs. Smart Recovery has had great success for people who relate best to the world of psychology.  Women For Sobriety also has a large following. 

Other people seem to be able to find the necessary safe place in one-on-one counseling. I always recommend counseling in addition to support groups. Counselors are able to make diagnosis, help you work through trauma, and connect you to a psychiatrist should medication be needed. 

No person, no one group owns the market of sobriety or recovery. Finding YOUR path is critical. I started my recovery “in the rooms”. That is what worked for me for several years.  Eventually I met Jesus Christs and found that he was what I needed for healing.  Jesus showed me that he gave me the gift of a love of psychology, so Smart Recovery concepts help me to learn a new way of interpreting my thoughts. And my desire to learn how to be a strong, healthy woman brought me to Women for Sobriety. It worked for me, and my road of NOWCOVERY keeps leading me into new lessons. TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE… we are all our OWN selves. NOWCOVERY meets you where you currently are and will lead you to your safe places. 

"practice these principles in all our affairs". ie, walk your talk

Have you ever spent so much time with someone that you think you know them and their reactions really well? For example, a co-worker. We spend many hours a week with our coworkers and we see them perform under some very stressful situations. We see the best of their behavior when a project comes together smoothly, or the team is really cooperating well, or the day is flowing along without any chaos. And we also see the worst of their behavior, when none of the above is happening, and road blocks are popping up in all of the days activities. Seeing so much of our coworkers really leads us to believe that we know them quite well. The same can be said for people we spend time with in recovery meetings. Perhaps we have spent years sitting at the tables with the same core group of people and have seen these people go through all of the ups and downs of life. Sometimes, we have spent tens or hundreds of hours with these people, and we can practically know what they are going to say about a topic before they even speak. We KNOW them. Or do we?

How well can we ever really know another person? All we can go with is what they present to us. WE aren't in their heads, we can't read their thoughts, and we don't see their behavior when they are alone. Its safe to say we don't know everything there is to know even about the people that we are involved in intimate relationships with. So, really knowing someone we work with, or go to meetings with is an even further stretch. We all play roles, it's a part of being human, it's a part of having a personality. Roles of wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. And we all have professional roles we play. Managers, accountants, waitresses, nurses, doctors, counselors, custodians etc. My idea of the role of a wife, may be completely different than your idea of that role. We will play our roles differently. Based upon our life experience, and our wants and needs, everyone chooses how to play their roles. 

But there is a big difference between playing a role, and lying about who we are and what we do. Most professional roles don't mix well with swearing like a sailor. So, at work, we don't swear a lot, or out loud, or in meetings. But outside of work, maybe we swear like crazy! Loudly! Not swearing at work doesn't make us fake or a liar. We just know that to be successful in our work role, swearing is not appropriate. 

However, sitting at the tables and talking about how honest we are, while outside of the meetings we sell stolen merchandise out of the trunk of our car, is lying. Talking in meetings about how much we have learned to respect others, while outside of meetings we talk about everyone behind their backs and spread gossip, is lying. Claiming to be responsible people now, but aren't even opening the bills up when they come, is lying. If I am sitting in a meeting, talking about how I behave now that I am in recovery, you should be able to recognize me outside of the meetings. My words should be matching my behavior outside of the meeting. In other words, I should be walking my talk. And if I am not, that means I am not trustworthy. And that is unacceptable for us if we want to stay sober. 

Getting real with ourselves, and listening to what we say we do and comparing it to what we actually do, is part of our daily inventory. When we catch those inconsistencies, we need to either adjust our behavior, or we need to get real with our speech and stop pretending we are recovered where we are not. I know how my disease works. It grows off of shame, and I really work hard to not give myself things to be shameful about. Walking my talk, and practicing these principles in ALL of my affairs is the tool I use for that. 

Recovery Coaching sows seeds for the future of addiction treatment

We have all heard the definition of insanity, especially if you are in recovery. It means doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. As we work in the field of trying to help addicts move into sobriety and stay in sobriety, we can’t help but get frustrated and saddened by repeated relapses, death of our clients, and incarceration of our client due to relapses.

Addiction truly is insanity in action. But perhaps we need to be taking a look at our treatment plans and ask if we aren’t behaving in the same manner. Repeating the same patterns with each client, and expecting different results. Sometimes the plan works, which gives us enough inspiration to keep repeating the treatment plan with hopes that sooner or later it will work with each one because we will get good enough at our jobs, find the rights words, give the client the right tools, etc. Is it time to treat addiction in a completely new way?

As science has made huge advances in brain imaging and understanding the mechanisms of addiction, treatment has made slow progress in comparison.  What is progress though? How do we measure progress in the field of addiction treatment? In a recent article Telehealth rises as crucial tool for substance abuse treatment, by Joseph Goedert, Jacob Levenson states “In the addiction treatment arena there is no standardization-we can’t agree on what success looks like and what relapse is, or what treatment methods to utilize.” Levenson is the CEO of Map Health Management.  And he hints at the core of the addiction treatment problem: We haven’t even been able to clarify -- and insurance companies are growing tired of paying for -- treatments that can’t be proven to improve outcomes for the consumers once they leave.

Levenson goes on to state that Map Health Management (a data analytics vendor focusing on behavioral health) has multiple insurers lined up to measure quality among provider networks. One of the key things they use to measure quality is how adequately providers engage patients AFTER they leave the hospital or rehabilitation center.  Cost effectiveness and return on value are also components to measure quality.

Telehealth is one way that is proving to be extremely effective, and relatively low cost, in engaging consumers to stay focused on their recovery plans and goals. Consumers are monitored via telephone or video by professional recovery coaches and peer specialists who are able to check in with whatever frequency the consumer needs to feel supported and not isolated.

Hope Council on Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse of Kenosha WI has been a leader in their county, utilizing recovery coaches to work with their clients in the Intoxicated Driver Program. Through a grant, they are able to provide free coaching to clients who qualify, for up to two years. The grant also allows monies to support people referred to Hope Council through other agencies. Recovery coaches provide weekly support to clients via telephone monitoring.

The future of the addiction recovery industry points clearly in the direction of professional coaching helping to ensure results following a PHP or IOP engagement.  While we need to continue to keep evolving addiction treatment in the initial assessment and care, telehealth and professional coaching can make certain we’re not doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

The place within

There is a place inside I often go to hide. Upon the start of a new day, I fight to stay in that place. I want to retreat and not get up and face the planet. The tug of war begins in my mind. "Get up! You can't lay in bed; you cannot retreat today! You have responsibilities and challenges that you have to overcome. Don't let fear win! Come on, fight!!!" This is the voice of logic, the brain. The science of logical thinking. But wherever there is logic, emotion is never far behind. Emotion says, "You are tired. Take a day to yourself. Relax. Humans are not meant for grueling endless days of pushing yourself so hard." An observer of my thoughts, I can see both of their points. Yes, I have to fight. I have to face fear. I have to challenge myself. BUT I am tired. It's been a lot of work and I have so many things vying for my attention. I would like, just for one day, to choose where my attention goes. Can I just for today do what I want to do?! The choice to get up or not get up shouldn't be so difficult. But for me, it is.

When you suffer from depression and anxiety you always have to weigh out and determine whether you are partaking in self-care or escapism. Being tired is a real symptom of depression. Not just tired, but bone tired. Exhausted. So sometimes self-care means rest, sleep, retreating. Never getting out of your pajamas for the entire day and sleeping so your body and brain can repair and rejuvenate. 

On other days though, retreating is dangerous. It will add to your depression and isolation. You wake up and think you need to stay home and sleep. But when you follow that course, you find you feel guilty, and you start to judge yourself as being "bad" or a "loser" or "hopeless". What began as you thinking it was going to be a day of self-care turns into a day of self-hate. And self-hate has a way of snowballing fast.

This is something I have suffered with for so many years. As long as I can remember. Only recently was I able to see the connection between depression and this behavior, this resistance to life. I went to a support meeting and laid it out on the table to these women how horribly I was struggling and how much I hated my behavior and myself for not being able to stop this dialog I had to go thru daily with myself just to make a move in one direction or another. 

A wonderful thing happened at that meeting. It was as if each woman there held up a mirror. I saw myself in each one of them. My story was their story. My challenge was their challenge. They each opened up about their struggles with the same thing. We shared in the same pain, the same tears, the same fears, and the same challenges.  I left that meeting feeling loved, accepted, and understood. I left that meeting feeling at peace with myself.

Will I still struggle with this inner dialog? Yes. Certainly. I already have since the meeting. But I learned a few things.

1. Don't judge your feelings as good or bad. They just ARE. Of course Eckhart Tolle and Don Miguel Ruiz, along with others, have been saying this for years. But I am finally internalizing this and putting into my Nowcovery program. Be the outside observer without judgement.

2. Acceptance. This goes along with not judging your feelings. Radical Acceptance is a tool I am finding works in almost any situation! Everything is as it is. There is no "should" or "I wish it wasn't this way". Everything is just as it is. Not good. Not Bad. Just IS.

3. I can't do nowcovery alone. I need people. My group saved me that night.

4. Surrender. I heard a quote once, and I wish I could remember the source. The words in quotations are not my own. "Immediately and without hesitation, submit to the changes your higher power is trying to make in you." I don't always know what those changes are. That's okay. What I can do to cooperate is totally surrender. Hand over the pain, hand over the fight, hand over the struggle, hand over the depression, hand over the outcome. God cannot take it from me. I have to give it to him. As long as I hold on to it, he can't take it from me. That's because of free will. I am holding on to those things for a reason. There is some kind of perceived pay off that I think I am getting by holding on to it. God is waiting to give me grace and healing, but I have to give him my pain first. By letting go of the outcome, I am accepting God's perfect plan for my life. When I am within
God's plan I feel peaceful and happy. I feel sure of myself.

 Perhaps God is able to take my depression and use it for good, into drawing me closer to him. When I turn to the place within for Sanctuary, I have to make sure I ask God to meet me there.

NOWCOVERY. What is it and how do I get it?

• Are you miserable with your life? 
• Do you wake up feeling helpless and hopeless? 
• Do you feel fatigued most of the time? 
• Do you have a sense that something is wrong in your relationship, but you can't quite put your finger on what the problem is? 
• Is your financial life in a shambles? 
• Have you been suffering from physical ailments recently? Like irritable bowel syndrome, migraines, and over-all aches and pains? 
• Do you find that you are asking yourself if you drink or use other drugs too much? 
• Are other people telling you that your use is out of control? 
• Would you say that you are not suicidal, but wouldn't mind if your life somehow just came to an end? 
• Are you irritable and angry? 
• Do you see life as something that you wish you didn't have to endure? 
• Is it hard for you to remember a time in your life that you felt safe, happy, and secure? 
• Was your childhood traumatic? 
• Do you feel like life has been an endless amount of problems and work without any reward? 

NOWCOVERY may be the answer for you. I have found in my journey of getting healthier that by incorporating certain techniques I was successful and gaining sobriety and happiness. My life had not ever really felt fulfilling. I had always suffered from depression and anxiety. My childhood was marked with feelings of fear, loneliness, and underachievement. That had carried through into all of my adulthood until I started down the road of what I learned to refer to as wellbriety. For me, getting sober wasn't enough. I had to completely change my life, who I was, how I thought, and what I believed about myself. NOWCOVERY became my answer because there really wasn't anything I wanted to REcover. 

Through meditation, mindfulness, a relationship with my creator, and self inventories I became so much more aware of what I could and couldn't control. I was able to make decisions and take action (not reaction) based upon what outcome I needed to have. The outcome I ALWAYS NEED TO HAVE is sobriety, serenity, and peace. The process of NOWCOVERY allows that to happen more frequently. You CAN change how you think, feel, and react. 

Please contact me at http://www.freedom2b.net/ for a discussion on what NOWCOVERY is and how it could work for you. Of course this session is free of charge.